Piper and the Immature Young Man

John Piper wrote the following short story in order to illustrate the differences that exist between men and women:

"[L]et me create an illustration to portray some of the differences between manhood and womanhood. A picture may be worth a thousand words — even a word picture. Suppose among the young adults at the Downtown Campus a young man and woman — say 20-years old — find themselves chatting before the worship service. He likes what he hears and sees, and says, “Are you sitting with anyone?” They sit together. They notice how each engages with God in worship.

When the service is over, as they are leaving, he says, “Do you have any lunch plans? I’d love to treat you to lunch.” At that point she can signal she is not interested, “I do have some plans. But thanks.” Or she can signal the opposite: “I do, but let me make a call. I think I can change them. I’d love to go.”

Neither has a car, so he suggests they walk to Maria’s Café down on Franklin Avenue, about 10 minutes from the church. As they walk he finds out that she has a black belt in martial arts, and that she is one of the best in the state. At 19th Street two men block their way ominously and say, “Pretty girl friend you’ve got there. We’d like her purse and your wallet. In fact, she's so pretty we’d like her.” The thought goes through his head: "She can whip these guys." But instead of stepping behind her, he takes her arm, pulls her back behind him, and says, “If you’re going to touch her, it will be over my dead body.”

When they make their move, he tackles them both and tells her to run. They knock him unconscious, but before they know what hit them, she has put them both on their backs with their teeth knocked out. And a little crowd has gathered. The police and ambulance come and she gets in the ambulance with the young man. And she has one main thought on the way to the hospital: This is the kind of man I want to marry.”

(Read the whole article at,

http://www.desiringgod.org/sermons/god-created-man-male-and-female-what-does-it-mean-to-be-complementarian)

Before we point out the obvious fallacies in this story, notice what Piper does in this story: he tells men and women to always let the man take the initiative, whether is in beating someone up, teaching, leading, painting the house, or initiating a romantic evening. It doesn’t matter if the woman is stronger, wiser, more capable, more artistic, or more eager—the man has to go first, even if it means he ends up in the hospital.

I don’t know about you, but I think this is really foolish advice. I’d like to have my house painted well, and I like to listen to those who are wiser than I am. I don't believe we should try to be impressive, instead we should strive to be authentic.

Now, let’s look at the story.

First of all, a woman who has a black belt in martial arts has one for a reason. Clearly she likes the idea of being able to defend herself. Does Piper really expect us to believe that a young woman who has a black belt in martial arts is going to be impressed by a young man who pushes her aside in order to show how brave he is? And we are not talking about just a little impressed; we are talking about “I will marry you”-kind of impressed.

I don’t think so - nor does the Bible.

A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it (Prov 22:3, NIV).

Yet, Piper seems to be of the opinion that every young woman should swoon at the sight of male bravery:

“[I]t is irrelevant to the masculine soul that a woman he is with has greater self-defending competencies. It is his deep, God-given, masculine impulse to protect her. It is not a matter of superior competency. It is a matter of manhood. She saw it. She did not feel belittled by it, but honored, and she loved it.”

Is protection a masculine impulse that exists only in the man? Mothers, for example, are extremely protective of their children. Is a mother's impulse to protect her children not equally a masculine impulse that exists in women? If so, should a woman never protect a man, especially when she is more competent?

According to Piper competence has nothing to do with a man’s desire to lead:
 

“First, he took the initiative and asked if he could sit with her and if she would go to lunch and suggested the place and how to get there. She saw clearly what he was doing, and responded freely according to her desires. She joined the dance. This says nothing about who has superior competences in planning. God writes the impulse to lead on a man's heart. And the wisdom to discern it and enjoy it on a woman's.”

What Piper does here is tell men that they should be foolhardy and act beyond their competence level, and women that they are allowed to clean up the mess that follows. Imagine if men took his advice in all aspects of life: in finances, marriage, driving. How many bankruptcies, divorces, and wrecks would we see?

It is not a sign of maturity to act foolishly; it is a sign of immaturity and an inflated ego. If the young man had wanted to get a chance to see the young woman again, he would have let her take care of the situation and then joined her at the dojo the next day. It would've created a common interest that would have allowed them to decide whether their relationship was worth pursuing. In Piper's scenario, the young man would have to spend the next few years paying off the hospital bill due to his recklessness.

Wisdom is shown by deeds that are done in humility that comes from wisdom (Jas 3:13); a wise person is not afraid to appear weak, or vulnerable.

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor 12:7-10, NIV).

We can be strong in ourselves, or become weak and allow God be strong in us. Those who are strong and secure in God do not have to try to appear impressive; they know who they are.