The Patriarchy Connection: Purity Doesn't Come in the Shape of a Ring

The purity ring.

It's supposed to keep girls from kissing toads until Prince Charming comes along - or so we are told. It has often been noted that if the purity ring had magical propensities and could preserve one's virginity until marriage, parents would be equally eager to hand them over to their boys as well. But we don't see it, because in the world of patriarchy, the ring symbolizes something entirely different.

"Daddy is your boyfriend."

You belong to dad.

Only girls are given rings because boys don't belong to someone; they are the owners, the heirs, the future generation of men. Instead of wearing a purity ring, a young man looks forward to replacing the purity ring with a promise ring, an engagement ring, and finally a wedding ring, until he can say, "You belong to me."

In patriarchy, the four rings symbolize the transfer of authority from the father to the husband. An engagement ring used to be enough, but because the age of prospective brides is no longer in the teens, and most young women leave the watchful eyes of their fathers before they marry, the uncertainty of the purity of the pride has caused the need for the purity ring. A girl wouldn't wear it if she wasn't a virgin, now would she?

The greatest problem with the purity ring is that marriage is about two people becoming one, and the ring symbolizes that oneness. Young girls do not become one with their fathers, nor do they pledge to remain faithful to their fathers for the rest of their lives, which makes a father giving his daughter a ring a rather strange event.

In addition, even in the world of patriarchy, also the bride can, and will, say, "You belong to me." A wife can demand fidelity from her husband, and adultery is not accepted. But since this is the case, why can't a young woman demand her perspective husband be a virgin as well? Why can't young women demand young men wear purity rings too?

Instead of giving rings, why not teach young women to respect themselves, and young men to respect young women? There is no need for a ring when the heart has already decided to remain faithful to God. That is where true purity begins.